Which of Gottman’s couple types best describes the relationship between Helene and Aaron and Jill? Explain.
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CASE STUDY A
INTRODUCTION
Analyze the following case from a communication perspective. Pay careful attention to concepts such as gender, roles, family-of-origin, cultural norms, rituals and patterns.
BLENDING RELATIONSHIPS: MANAGING COMPETING LOYALTIES
Rachel Ruan & Courtney Waite, Northwestern University
Aaron and Helene, a young couple in their 20s, recently became engaged. They met their freshmen year of college at Washington University and dated four years before getting engaged. Aaron and Helene had a wonderful time in college together and rarely spent time apart. They seemed to agree on everything and both knew each other was “the one” for several years before Aaron proposed. They acted like a married couple already but both thought it was more sensible to wait until after graduation to get married. There are not many married couples at Washington!
Washington University was a good distance from both Aaron and Helene’s families and as a result, neither had a chance to visit each other’s home or spend more than a few hours at a time with each other’s parents. The only time spent with family was an occasional dinner out when their families would come to visit for a big football game or Parents Weekend. The family dinners always went smoothly and were not at all unpleasant.
Helene shared a particularly warm relationship with Aaron’s father, Ed. Ed always went out of his way to make Helene feel accepted and at ease. He showed a strong interest in her pursuits and was always eager to hear stories about what was going on in her life. Conversely, it wasn’t unusual for some tension to arise between Helene and Aaron’s mother, Jill. Helene consistently felt as though Jill was very controlling of Aaron and could be overbearing with her opinions at times. Jill had very strong opinions as to what she expected for her son and was uninhibited when it came to sharing those opinions. Helene noticed this behavior and it became something that she disliked about Jill.
However, when Helene voiced her concerns to Aaron, he often discounted them and claimed, “If you could spend more time with my mother you would see that she has very good intentions and is very fond of you.” After some reassurance from Aaron, Helene would conclude that Aaron was right; Helene had only spent a handful of nights with Jill and maybe just did not understand her personality yet. Besides, Jill usually refrained from sharing negative opinions regarding Helene.
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